The Sound of Drowning by Katherine Fleet

“[The pictures] kept going – a chronicle of our family, and like all families, it deliberately displayed only part of the story. Because that’s what we’re taught to do –  to only capture the good times, the smiles, and the happiness. We don’t take pictures of the tears or the fights, the losses and the loneliness, but why not? Why shouldn’t they also be valued and remembered?” (Fleet 2019, p. 228).

To say this book was a roller coaster ride would be a MAJOR understatement. When I first started reading, I was intrigued by the premise, and thought I was going to get a fluffy version of Romeo and Juliet for teens. Very quickly, however, I became intrigued by Mer’s dark secret, and wanted to know what she had done to cause such a rift between two previously close families. What I got was an emotionally devastatingly story about love, loss, and forgiveness that I wasn’t expecting at all. WARNING: There will be spoilers in this review, so please don’t read this if you have any intention of picking up the book!

The Sound of Drowning follows the story of Meredith Hall, a teenager with a big secret: almost every night, she takes the ferry to meet the love of her life, a boy named Ben Collins. Though Ben and Meredith have been best friends since childhood, their relationship has evolved over time from friendship to romance. Recently, however, Meredith broke Ben’s trust in a major way, causing their once close families to fracture apart and forcing them to meet in secret. At the same time, a new and charming boy named Wyatt Quinn has moved with his mom from Texas, and the previously closed-off Meredith finds herself inexplicably drawn to him. Though she was once sure what she wanted, Mer finds herself torn between two people: the boy she has loved for most of her life, and the boy who makes her feel exciting and alive for the first time in her life.

I was not expecting to need tissues while reading this book, and I feel personally attacked by Katherine Fleet. Not since John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars has a YA book impacted me this much emotionally, and I applaud (and curse) Fleet’s ability to get me so entirely emotionally invested in these characters. From the very first chapter, I found myself wondering what Meredith had done to warrant such a severe rift in the relationship between two families, meaning Katherine Fleet had me hooked within a few pages. The novel is paced slowly, intermittently telling the story of Meredith’s past as we read about what’s currently happening. The secret is revealed painfully slowly, making it hard to wait to find out exactly what happened. I’ll admit that, at one point, I couldn’t wait anymore and read ahead, and the fact that the reveal STILL gutted me when I got to it is a testament to Fleet’s writing ability.

First, I have to praise the twists in this book. I was honestly expecting a run-of-the-mill fluffy romance, but this book kept me guessing with every chapter. First, you find out that Mer and Ben had sex and that Mer ended up pregnant. Next, you find out that Mer decided to have an abortion behind Ben’s back, making Ben feel extremely betrayed and hurt. Though the novel’s first chapter leads us to believe that he eventually forgave her and began meeting her in secret, we eventually find out (WARNING: SPOILER AHEAD) that Ben has been dead for several months due to a boating accident, and that Mer began hallucinating him on the beach after trying to kill herself one night in her grief over his loss. As if all of this wasn’t enough, we THEN find out that the present day events Mer has been experiencing are entirely in her head, as she has been in a medically induced coma for the entire book. At the end, she makes the choice to return to the world of the living, where she decides to start over again with Wyatt, who she feels she knows even though they haven’t officially met yet.

This book delivers not one, but FOUR heart-pounding twists in this book, meaning that once I reached the halfway point, this book was impossible to put down. Fleet’s twists honestly surprised me, and the plot never once felt predictable or overdone. In addition, the emotional impact of each reveal is extremely raw, and many moments in this book left me a sobbing mess in need of something light and happy to read. One such moment is the moment when Mer confronts Ben’s parents for the first time since his death, apologizing for the choice that hurt them, but also insisting that it is wrong to blame her (and themselves) for his untimely death. Mer’s words and the strong emotions in this scene had such a profound impact, and they really illustrated her character growth throughout the book.

Another thing I really enjoyed about this book were the relationships between the characters. Not only are the romances sweet and believable (both with Wyatt and with Ben), but the familial relationships were extremely important as well. I felt a strange kinship to Meredith (even though she sometimes frustrated me), as my relationship with my mom is very similar to hers. We obviously love one another, but struggle to understand each other, often feeling as though we’ll never be good enough for the other person. Mer and her mother struggle with this as well, and Mer beats herself up constantly for being a “failure child” to her parents. Other realistic and well-developed relationships include Mer and her sister, Wyatt and his dad, and the friendship between Ben’s mom and Mer’s mom. Every time these characters interacted, I felt like they were real people with real flaws, each of them hiding their pain behind big fronts or masks. I found myself rooting for them despite their flaws, and wanting things to end on a positive note for all of them.

I must admit, however, that I did find a lot of things about this book annoying at first. Weirdly, though I relate strongly to Mer’s feelings of loneliness, isolation, and self doubt, she REALLY got on my nerves for the first half of the book. She’s whiny, selfish, and deliberately sabotages her own happiness constantly. The most frustrating part was her flashback to the middle school dance, where she tears her expensive hairdo down and chucks the expensive dress she got for no apparent reason, leaving her date (Ben) as the only one dressed up for the event. I found myself saying, “Really? All of that money and effort and you just spit on it?” As I read on, however, I realized that Mer acts the way she does because she feels so profoundly uncomfortable in her own skin that she’s constantly trying to be someone else, another thing I strongly relate to. My annoyances with Mer stem from my annoyances with myself, and I found myself really understanding that her “prickly” attitude and thick walls are her only way of emotionally protecting herself from a scary social climate.

Similarly, I felt that Ben’s relationship with Mer was EXTREMELY unhealthy at first, with her basing all of her self worth and happiness on this one boy. By the end, however, you realize that this has been the entire point of the novel: Mer WAS putting too much of her self worth in Ben’s affection, and not giving herself enough love or compassion. When she chooses to let Ben go and live for her family and friends at the end of the book, it seems that Mer has truly learned how to love herself and forgive herself for her mistakes. This is actually a huge theme in the book: both forgiving others and forgiving yourself after tragedy strikes. A large part of the grief process is shown in this book, and I think it could do wonders for anyone trying to heal after a significant and traumatic loss. As someone who has lost loved ones in the past, I found myself really relating to the devastation Mer felt, and I have also wondered how to get up and move on when stricken with impossible grief. This book takes something that seems extremely unhealthy and presents it as such, teaching the reader a lesson about self-worth, compassion, and moving on after loss. It’s an extremely powerful message, and one that I think many people (especially teens) need to hear.

My one gripe with the book is how quickly and neatly everything is wrapped up. In real life, trauma, grief, and mental illness can sometimes take years of therapy to improve, but Mer’s issues seem to be instantly resolved due to her few weeks of experiencing life while in a coma. Almost immediately after waking up, she’s able to go to Ben’s parents and explain that she’s sorry, but not responsible for his death, and that they shouldn’t project their grief and anger onto her. At the same time, she has suddenly realized her self worth and completely healed from her trauma, and seems to be entirely chipper and back to normal again. She even knows exactly what to say to Wyatt’s mom about lying to him about his dad, and this struck me as being a little unrealistic. Real teens suffering from trauma and mental illness might feel bad after seeing how easily Mer is able to overcome it; it seems as though she snaps her finger and instantly becomes better at the end. Real trauma takes time to heal, and those negative thoughts we build up in our heads take more than just a few weeks to train away; I know this from personal experience. Though I liked the hopeful, positive ending, I would’ve liked to see Mer improve while still having work to do in regards to her mental health, which is always evolving as we grow and learn.

This book deals with a lot of themes that might be triggering to teens, but also highly empowering. Divorce, teenage pregnancy, abortion, and even suicide are explored, but in a way that promotes responsibility and dealing with grief in healthy ways. Though I felt a little icky about Ben and his family’s reactions to the abortion (it was, ultimately, Mer’s choice what to do with her body, and I felt that at LEAST the adults should have respected that), I liked that the author gave her the agency to make her own choice, and that the choice itself was something Mer didn’t regret because it was the right one for her. This book isn’t necessarily saying that abortion is the best option, but that each girl and woman should feel empowered to make the decision that is ultimately best for her. It also portrayed suicide in dark, gritty detail, showing the reader the absolutely devastating affects that even attempted suicide can have on loved ones. Mer realizes in the end that, despite her loss, she still has a lot to live for, and I like that message for teens who might feel similarly hopeless about their lives.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book. It has some flaws, but I really appreciated the characters, message, and engaging story. Any book that can make me cry over fictional characters is necessarily a winner, as I don’t often feel profoundly moved when reading YA. Though there are subjects that might be triggering to some teens (grief, abortion, suicide, mental illness), I think this book begins really important conversations that could lead to healing and closure for many. I was very moved by this story, and though I’ve never heard of Katherine Fleet before, she is now very much on my radar due to this stunning work of fiction. If you’re in the mood to read something that will break your heart in all of the best ways, I would definitely recommend giving this one a shot if you haven’t already; it most certainly did not disappoint.

Reference:

Fleet, K. (2019). The sound of drowning. Salem, MA: Page Street Publishing.

Call It What You Want by Brigid Kemmerer

“Owen’s mother was right – doing the right thing really does mean different things to different people. Nothing is clear-cut, and maybe that’s okay” (Kemmerer 2019. p. 351).

I first discovered Brigid Kemmerer when I read <i>A Curse So Dark and Lonely,</i> and I’ve been a fan of her writing ever since. She has a very fluid writing style, and creates realistic characters that are easy to relate to and root for. I didn’t realize when I first picked up this book that it was by the same author, but now I’m really glad I can say I’ve read more than one of Kemmerer’s books. This novel took me on a fast-paced journey full of suspense, romance, friendship, and betrayal, and kept me on the edge of my seat wanting to know more with each page.

Call It What You Want switches back and forth between two points of view. First, we have Rob, a once popular athlete who has fallen on hard times after his dad was caught embezzling money from half of the town. As if his sudden treatment as a social pariah wasn’t enough, Rob’s dad attempted suicide shortly after, leaving him and his mother responsible for caring for an invalid with no ability to communicate. Maegan, on the other hand, was once a star student, but is universally hated by the rest of the school after she was caught cheating on her SATs, forcing everyone’s scores to be scrapped. Her star athlete sister has also found herself in hot water, returning home from college to find herself pregnant with her English professor’s baby. When the two unlikely teens are forced to work together for a class project, they begin to learn that not everything in life is entirely black and white.

I’ll get the criticism out of the way first, as there honestly isn’t that much I want to criticize. Even though I liked this book a lot, I have to admit that it did feel very trope-y at times. I can’t even count the number of YA books I’ve read where two opposites are forced to work together on a class project (one that is rarely brought up again after the plot point is established), and end up falling for one another in the process. It’s a bit too much like Twilight for my tastes, and I never want to read anything remotely like those books again. Secondly, while I was describing this book to a friend, she pointed out that it seemed very much like a soap opera in book form. Again, though I LOVED this book, I tend to have to agree with my friend. This novel covers a LOT of ground in a very short amount of time, from suicide to teen pregnancy and even LGBT issues. It certainly kept the plot going at a lightning fast momentum, though there were times where it almost felt like it was too much too quickly.

Now that the criticism is out of the way, let me discuss what I enjoyed about the story. Firstly, the amazingly realistic characters and message. Rob and Maegan not only feel like very real people, but people I can relate to and sympathize with despite the fact that their lives are nothing like mine. Like Maegan, I was a star student in constant fear of disappointing my parents. Like Rob, I also struggle with figuring out the right thing to do, and often blame myself for things that were’t my fault. My heart broke for both of these teens, as they are defined by society based on either a single poor decision or someone else’s actions.

The message, similarly, is realistic in that there really is no clear answer in the end. Rob and his new friend Owen convince themselves throughout the novel that stealing from the rich to give back to the poor is a good thing, but Owen’s mom later reminds them that they, too, are judged based on what the world <i>thinks</i> they deserve. An example of this can be seen when Rob criticizes Owen’s Xbox, wondering how someone who is poor can afford a game system but not lunch food every day. Meanwhile, the lunch lady judges Owen for spending his money in a way she deems to be unwise, despite the fact that she knows nothing about his circumstances. This logic is applied to Rob’s seemingly innocent theft, as Owen’s mom questions whether the pair of earrings he later steals might’ve been important to their owner. While I never thought twice about Rob’s actions, this sentiment made me pause and wonder what gave me the right to decide how wealth is distributed.

The novel is full of ethical questions like this, never letting the reader become too comfortable with one answer or another. In truth, both sides are correct: stealing is wrong, but it’s also wrong for people to go hungry and struggle while others skate by with disposable income. Similarly, Maegan understands that cheating is wrong, but did so out of a desire to please her parents and earn their respect the way her older sister had. Cheating was not the ethical choice, but Maegan also didn’t deserve to be shunned and hated because of one bad decision. Even Rob’s father, who swindled half of his clients out of their money, began his scheme with honest intentions, but nobody could argue that the outcome was the right result. What I love about this book is that it presents us with real-world questions that really don’t have a right or wrong answer: it is, instead, the kind of book that makes us think about morality in a different way.

I absolutely loved the relationships in this book, from the main romantic pairing to the friendship between Connor and Rob. At first, Connor seems like a huge jerk, but you later find out that he’s putting on a front to keep his dad from being physically and mentally abusive. Meanwhile, though Owen becomes a good friend to Rob, he promotes problematic behavior by encouraging Rob to steal from wealthy people he doesn’t like because they “don’t deserve the wealth.” Rachel, Maegan’s best friend, holds resentment for her because she views Maegan as “having everything,” but treats Maegan and Rob badly instead of honestly communicating her feelings throughout the story. Once again, even the characters we aren’t supposed to like are shown to have depth, and nobody is a one-note comic book villain. Similarly, characters we are meant to like don’t always act entirely morally, making them seem much more human and realistic.

Another relationship I really loved was the sisterhood between Sam and Maegan. When Sam tries to wall herself off and distance herself from her family, Maegan steps in to remind her time and time again that she can be trusted, and only wants what’s best for her. While I’ve never had a sister myself, I can remember feeling very similarly about my younger brother. There were times growing up when I absolutely hated him, and resented him for being my parents’ favorite. If anything ever happened to him or anyone ever picked on him, however, I was the first person to come to his defense, as my love for him ran deeper than petty annoyances or jealousy. I get the same vibe from these two sisters, who have each others’ backs and develop a really strong bond throughout the series. I think these types of realistic relationships are important for teenagers to see, as they show that no relationship is perfect, but the best ones rely on communication and a willingness to be vulnerable.

Though there isn’t any sexual assault in this book, I would still be afraid to give it to any teen dealing with a teenage pregnancy, or a teen in a relationship with someone who is essentially grooming and taking advantage of them. While it could really help them identify the signs, I would worry that it might cause some post-traumatic stress or anxiety. If I thought a teen girl could handle it, however, I do think this book could be a positive example of teenage pregnancy, as Sam is able to overcome her fears and make the best decision for her life and body. What I appreciated about the pregnancy arc is that none of Sam’s options are shamed; she considers adoption, abortion, and finally keeping the baby and raising it on her own, but for every step her family tries to be supportive and understanding. Nobody who learns about her secret judges her, and by the end of the novel she is doing well. This book gives teens who might be dealing with an unplanned pregnancy that there are options, and that it’s okay to be scared and not know what to do all the time. It also teaches teens that they have options, and that deciding to keep their baby isn’t going to instantly be a life-ruining event. I appreciated these perspectives, and was glad to see such a controversial subject portrayed in such a compassionate manner.

This book could also be triggering to those with suicidal thoughts, though it also does a great job of demonstrating the fallout from a suicide gone wrong. Rob and his mother constantly blame themselves for what happened to Rob’s father, and are forced to care for him every single day because of his lapse in judgment. As Rob was the one to find his father after it happened, the book does not shy away from the gruesome details that accompany finding a loved one after a suicide attempt, and I think this is a good way to make teenagers think about the consequences before choosing to take their own lives. Rob is also encouraged to get counseling, and while I think it would’ve been a better message if he actually had instead of simply saying he had, I also believe this is sending a message to teens that there is always help and hope, and that suicide is not the answer to temporary problems. Like I said before, this book tackles a lot of issues at once, but I think they’re all very important issues worthy of attention and discussion.

While there are a few plot holes in this book (they never discuss the project again, there are never consequences for revealing Sam’s pregnancy at a party, etc.), I still found myself really enjoying it. The romance was sweet and believable, if a little contrived, and the characters felt like fully-fledged people who make mistakes and are flawed. I’ll admit the ending felt a tad bit rushed (I wanted a more in-depth resolution to the many problems facing these characters), I attribute this to the fact that there was so much being covered that it was hard to neatly tie everything up without doubling the size of the book. Though flawed, I’m rating this book five stars because I found it both compelling and entertaining, and I think teens will really enjoy the suspense and fast-paced writing. Fans of romance and realistic fiction will love these characters, and I guarantee they’ll be rapidly turning the page for more just like I was upon reading this book for the first time.

Reference:

Kemmerer, B. (2019). Call It What You Want. New York: Bloomsbury YA.

Week 10 – All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

“Theodore Finch and Violet Markey meet properly for the first time in quite remarkable circumstances. They have been going to the same school for some time, and even though they have lessons together, sitting in the same class for U.S Geography, they have never really got to know each other. Suddenly they have a deep, dark secret in common, and Finch, ever the ‘freak’, sees a way to use it to his advantage. What begins as a flirtation on his part becomes something deeper and more substantial. Slowly their relationship develops and both characters who were feeling incredibly lost, can begin to find their own kind of happiness. In its simplest terms this book is a love story, however, it is so much more: a coming of age novel, an attempt to reach young people who experience mental health issues and an all American road trip tale. I simply find it a beautifully written novel, with characters so real and heart breaking that they played on my mind long after I had finished reading. Although Jennifer Niven has written in great depth about teenage suicide, this book does not preach and leaves the reader feeling uplifted and full of hope” (Dean, 2015).

This book is one that has been on my personal to-read list for over a year, and I’m so glad I finally took the time to read it. All the Bright Places is funny, thoughtful, tragic, and all-around uplifting, and I found myself unable to put it down. It focuses on the story of Violet Markey, a girl who has just suffered the unexpected loss of her older sister Eleanor. Grief-stricken and unable to cope, Violet finds herself on top of the school’s bell tower one morning, where she meets a rather unusual character: Theodore Finch, known simply as “Finch,” the school “freak” and a general mystery. As it turns out, Theodore is up on that bell tower for the very same reason, though he ends up talking them both down from the ledge and saving Violet’s life. The two realize that they have U.S Geography together, and that they must begin a new year-long project to “wander the sights” of their home state, Indiana. This begins a whirlwind adventure in which the two learn about love, friendship, and the little moments that make life (and living) worthwhile.

Where do I even begin with this book? For starters, it really reminded me of John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars, which I will be comparing it to throughout this review. Like The Fault in Our Stars, this book focuses on the love story between two teenage characters who share a common problem: in this case, mental illness. Finch, as the novel alludes, suffers from an undiagnosed case of bi-polar disorder, refusing to get it treated due to his hatred of labels and being looked at as “sick” or “broken.” Violet, on the other hand, is suffering from depression after the tragic death of her sister Eleanor in a car accident a year earlier. She begins the novel feeling extreme survivor’s guilt, leading her to abandon all of the activities (such as writing) that once made her feel joy. After only a few chapters, it’s very clear that this book is going to be about much more than a school project: it is an anthem for anyone who has ever suffered from mental illness. While I will admit that the teenagers in this book do not talk or sound much like real teenagers (which, to me, is very similar to the characters in The Fault in Our Stars), they deal with struggles and conflicts that many teens can easily relate to.

Near the beginning of the book, Finch brings up an extremely valid point, one that the author herself points out again in the author’s note:

“The fact is, I was sick, but not in an easily explained flu kind of way. It’s my experience that people are a lot more sympathetic if they can see you hurting, and for the millionth time in my life I wish for measles or smallpox or some other recognizable disease just to make it simple for me and also for them” (Niven, 2015, p. 16).

At the end of the book, Jennifer Niven explains her own history with suicide, stating that, “People rarely bring flowers to a suicide” (2015, p. 382). Both the novel and her insights shed light on a very important fact of society: we often tend to look down on those who commit suicide as being “selfish” and “deserving it.” Much like people who suffer from addiction, mental illness is a rather large taboo, and likely makes people nervous because they (as Finch puts it) cannot see the illness. As a society, we put a lot more weight on illnesses like cancer and heart disease, but seem to think very little of illnesses like depression and anxiety. As someone who suffers from both, I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been told to “Just be happy” or to “Get over it,” which to me sounds a lot like telling someone to, “Just get rid of the cancer” or “Heal that broken leg.”

There is, overall, a lot less sympathy for those who suffer from mental illness than there is for those who suffer from physical illnesses, and I’ve personally never understood why that is. The brain is an extremely complex organ, and one that very few of us even minimally understand, so it’s crazy to think there are those out there who believe it can’t attack us like any other organ. Finch, seen by his peers (and even his own family) as being a “freak,” seems to illustrate this societal issue perfectly. His own family tends to ignore his issues, playing them off as being “Just how he always is.” He is relentlessly bullied in school, and blamed for retaliating against this bullying. Even his counselor struggles to understand him, treating him more like he’s crazy than someone who simply needs help. The trouble is, Finch himself does not want help, and refuses to admit that he might need medication or therapy. He, like many people who suffer from mental illness, just wants to be “normal,” and to not walk through the halls and get funny looks from teachers and classmates.

While I do not want to spoil the ending, this book deals with very important themes, themes like coping with the loss of someone through suicide and dealing with depression. There are, I feel, teens who can relate both to Finch and to Violet, and the novel lets us see into both of their heads as we follow their journey together. The novel quite beautifully shows two somewhat broken people who are able to find healing and happiness with one another, if only for a brief moment, and I think it’s so important to have a book for young people that does this. I would gladly use this in either a classroom or a teen book group to help teens who might be struggling with suicidal thoughts, or who know someone that committed suicide.

While I cannot comment to the accuracy of Finch’s emotions or actions, I feel as if this book could show someone struggling with bi-polar disorder that they’re not alone, and that there is a way for them to seek help if they choose to. It could also be helpful in starting up a dialogue about survivors of suicide, both for those who have attempted it and those who have lost loved ones. Violet, throughout the novel, struggles with the guilt of her sister’s death, feeling as if it was her fault. This is a common reaction to death, especially sudden and unexpected death, and it might help teens to begin the healing process and forgive themselves for events they could not control. It also shows Violet’s healing process in its entirety, taking her from someone who is afraid to drive even a few miles out of town to someone willing to traverse the state on her own by the end of the novel. She is also able to “wake up”from her grief and depression, and soon begins to find joy in the activities she loved doing beforehand. This is so important for teens to see, as it shows that there is life after tragedy, no matter the circumstances behind it. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and I can easily see it becoming a classic that teens (and adults) can enjoy for generations to come.

References:

Dean, E. (2015, Spring). Niven, Jennifer: All the Bright Places. School Librarian, 63(1), 56.

Niven, J. (2015). All the Bright Places. New York: Alfred A. Knopf.